My dream tonight was very short, but very disturbing.

In my dream I wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. When I have done my business I coinscidentally look down and see that my urine is black. I worry. I wake up.

Now.. when I wake up I have a terrible stomach ache and I go to the bathroom. Turns out later that day that I have a urinary tract infection.

I don’t like when my dreams are forecasting.


I think my dream tonight could have been due to what I wrote yesterday. That all my dreams had been very long lately, that I had difficulties remembering my dreams and that the dream about the Smoking Eye had no feelings involved.
This dream was the totally opposite.

Tonight I woke up very startled. The dream was very short. All that happened was me looking out of a big window from a very high place. Must have been at least 5 stories up. Next to me are two women – who, I do not recall. While looking out of the window, which is open, splitseconds later I see the two women jumping out. My body is quivering with fear when I hear the splashing sound of the two women hitting the ground. I am terrified to my bones. I wake up with a start and in a half scream.

I usually do not wake up that fast from dreams. There is always a phase of slowly waking up and realizing that I have been sleeping. But tonight I just opened my eyes immediately after having heard the splash of the women hitting the concrete.

I am relieved when I wake up.

Lately I’ve been dreaming a lot, but the second I open my eyes all details are gone, so I haven’t really had the chance to write any of them down. All I remember about the dreams is that they were all very vivid and long with a lot of details. I’m kind of sad that I don’t remember more.


Tonight I had a weird dream. Again, very vivid, long and packed with details. Unfortunately, the same goes for this one as for the others; I cannot remember a lot of what happened – only bits and pieces are there to be recollected.

The dream takes place in my friend Julie’s apartment, but in the dream the apartment is a lot bigger than in real life and it belongs to my friend Aras.
When I am entering the doorway I am surprised to see so many people in the livingroom. I must have expected something else. I don’t know any of the faces I see, so I reckon they are all friends of Aras’.

I only remember one conversation in the livingroom. Aras is the one talking very persuasively about something I at first do not really understand. Several times he is mentioning a “Smoking Eye” and a “Smokey Hole”. It is not until later in the dream I recall the conversation and understands that what Aras had been referring to as the Smoking Eye/Hole is a scientific discovery 253 meters under the surface of the ocean. A very disturbing discovery. The “Eye” is a hole somewhere in the seven oceans, a black hole, where you can, if you look very carefully, get a glimpse of Hell. In my dream I very briefly see the hole and I watch an inferno of flames. I have no feelings or thoughts connected to the experience.

I wake up.

I did not remember this dream at first. It all came back to me during the day. I put bits and pieces together and at the end of the evening the dream was somewhat comprehensible to tell. I’m a bit surprised I remember the number 253 – I have never remembered numbers in dreams before.

I give no meaning to the dream.

Lately I’ve been having nightmares a lot.

I reckon it’s because two people that I love the most are not feeling well – one in the hospital, the other recently released from there.

I don’t seem to remember a lot of my nightmares. I just know I have had one when I open my eyes and feel bad. Very bad.

However, my nightmare tonight was very clear to me when I woke up. A very bizarre dream indeed.

The setting is in a large glass building with a lot of stories. I think it is a dormitory of some sort, but at the same time it reminds awfully a lot about a shopping mall. I am surrounded by a lot of people, but I only recognize one face. Saimur, a friend I recently got to know through a job interview. At first it seems like we are not in the building together, but that we have arrived separately. Later in the dream it seems like we are room mates.

We are sitting on chairs in a huge lobby-looking room when all of the sudden the building starts shaking. I have never experienced anything like it! The ground starts moving below us and Saimur screams at me and throws me on the floor, showing me how to hold my hands above my head. I am scared to death and it does not help that the ground just keeps waving like we were at sea. People around me are panicking and I get more and more anxious and I want to get up, but Saimur is keeping me down and yelling at me that he has tried this before and that we need to stay calm and lie on the floor. I do as he says.

The earthquake ends abruptly and the silence is killing. I look around and it seems that everyone are alright and the building is still standing. There are no physical damages. Until I look in front of me. A little girl was sitting in a window seconds before the earthquake, her mother next to her holding her. Shaken with terror I only see the torso of the little girl in her mother’s hands. The window she was sitting in had apparently fallen down on her and cut her body in half. I am terrified of the sight in front of me and I start screaming, because I see that the girl is still alive. She is still chewing the carrot she had in her hands moments before. The mother is calm and says: “It’s just a reflex, soon she’ll be dead”.

Out of nowhere I suddenly have my laptop in my hands. Ryan Bisio is calling me on Skype.

I awake startled with fear not knowing that the shock is not over yet. When I am slowly starting to wake up I am shaken up by a very loud sound outside our house. As if something very big has fallen to the ground. My mind goes straight to the dream was not a dream, there is actually an earthquake! Seconds after I realize that two houses from ours construction workers are working on something. I do not care to see what, since I am still very startled by my dream and I try to remember as much of it as I can.

Moments later my dad walks into my room telling me that he is going to the hospital, because my grandma’s condition has gotten worse.

Please pray!

Tonight I had a very disgusting dream.

I don’t remember the details of it – all I remember is that I am standing up with my hand before my mouth and having a really weird expression on my face. All of the sudden I feel something in my mouth; something hard. I feel with my tongue around inside my mouth and realize that I have lost a tooth. I spit out in my hand. There, in the palm of my hand, I see an abnormally big tooth (2×2 cm) fallen into two pieces. There is no blood, no pain whatsoever, but there is definitely missing a tooth in my mouth. That I am sure of. Seconds later I spit in my hand again and this time little black pieces fall into my palm. Pieces that look like coal. Every time I spit I feel another piece of coal in my mouth. This happens many times and the coal gets smaller and smaller for every time I spit.

I wake up when the coal is almost like dust.

I am disgusted by the dream and also scared. I don’t like dreaming about teeth. I’ve heard that it means bad news.

Later my grandma, who is a cancer patient, gets a fever and is admitted to the hospital.

I’m spooked.

Please pray for my dear grandma!

Tonight I dreamt about two people I haven’t seen for a very long time.

My dream takes place in the States – where, I do not know, but several times I get reminded of it. By flags, by people, well.. somehow just by the atmosphere.
Of known faces are Afshin and Beriwan, two friends from years back, whom I still do have contact to occasionally.

The first part of the dream is more some sort of a fast forward of a night out in the town. We are visiting several clubs and pubs and we are having fun all three of us.

Next part is the more detailed part. It is the next morning and somehow we are now in Aarhus and not in the US anymore. It seems that it is Beriwan’s apartment and Afshin and I are visiting from Copenhagen.
The atmosphere has gone from awesome to odd. Afshin is constantly ignoring me and not until the very last part of the dream do I finally manage to make eye contact with him.
We are all sitting in a room. It looks like a bathroom, but there are couches and chairs, but also a place where you can shower. Beriwan is walking around all smiling and humming songs from last night. At one point she even starts to make-up and get ready to go out again even though it is early in the morning.

Afshin and I are sitting on the floor – still no eye contact.

When Beriwan leaves the room to go get her (very!) red lipstick, I turn to Afshin and ask him “I feel like you don’t like me” (the dream is in Danish. I rarely remember conversations word by word in my dreams, but in this one it is pretty clear). Afshin is looking down and mumbles something I do not catch, so I poke him to get him to look at me and repeat. He does not. He still looks down saying “maybe you are right. Maybe it’s because I can’t like you”. I am offended, but it is as if Afshin is not telling me the whole truth, so I keep asking him why, until he finally looks up with tears in his eyes and says “I can’t like you, Derya, I have kids”. At first I am startled, but then I start smiling and say “but I don’t want you to like me in THAT way, Afshin, I just want you to be my friend”. And he replies “I cannot be your friend, cause I really do like you. My kids are more important”.

I wake up.

I wake up because my phone rings and I am very confused at first. Thinking more and more about the dream makes me wonder. Afshin and I were never really good friends in real life either. We were more like acquaintances than friends. So maybe deep down inside I miss a real friendship from him. He is a cool guy.

PS: Afshin does not have kids in real life. Ha!

I dream one more dream tonight.

The dream is very short and is about Deniz.

I dream that we bump into each other at a cafe-like place. I do not remember our conversation word by word, but I remember that the atmosphere is pleasant and that he is very nice to me.
As I already mentioned, I do not remember the words coming out of my brother’s mouth, but all in all he is letting me know that I am special and that I am a good person, that he has not treated me the way I deserved and that I deserve much much better.

When I wake up I am happy and I think to myself that I should call him right away, while the dream is still fresh. I state that it is too early and as usual I postpone it and never call him.

The dream lets my mind drift and I am curious if this is really the way my brother is thinking of me. Maybe it is just my subconscious playing me around and making me dream things I would like to happen in real life. I am confused. I miss him.

My dream takes place in a building that reminds of the one Julie lives in, but at the same time looks like the one we live in ourselves.

The building is huge and looks like some kind of a shopping mall. We are sitting in the livingroom and all of the sudden the room fills with smoke and a very bad smell. I see the fire!

We are all trying to get out of the building, but unsuccessfully. All doors and windows are tightly locked and it is impossible for us to get out. Sibel (sister) and I decide to try to find another way out through the story downstairs. The situation reminds me about the 9/11 attack on the WTC.

When we get downstairs there is a bigger crowd of people standing in the lobby. We are still locked in the building, but a woman courageously starts throwing rocks at the glass doors and we feel the fresh air against our faces. We frantically run outside and the setting looks very much like a hotel I once stayed in in Finland. It is a beautiful and green area and I only see few cars parked down the road. I rush Sibel and yell to her that we have to get up on the other floors to help people there, but she is extremely slow and drowsy. So I leave her outside and start running up the stairs against a big crowd of people coming against me trying to escape from the building. Short after I realize that I will not be able to get to the 10th floor by foot. For a split second I consider to take the elevator, but I quickly state that it will be way too dangerous.

In the meantime, how, I have no clue, my family has gotten some visitors in the livingroom. It is aunty Naile. The fire is gone and everything is back to the normal. Except… Sibel is missing. I wake up.


Tonight I dreamt about my friend Aras.

In my dream Aras is 9-10 years old. The setting is at a party, probably a wedding party. Aras has brought along a violin and he is going to perform for the guests.

He starts playing the violin in a way that leaves each and everyone of the guests vacant and amazed by the little boy’s talent. After finishing his solo concert and having received an enormous applause Aras joins me in the kitchen, where I have been waiting for him. There is food on the table: köfte and white rice with ketchup. While we are eating our meal little Aras is trying to teach me how to play the violin.

It seems like we are both very poor in the dream. We are both wearing old and dirty clothes and the food we are eating with great joy is not a feast to remember. Apparently Aras does not own the violin he is playing. He only borrowed it from the wedding orchestra.

From his pocket Aras takes out a folded paper-violin. This is the one he is trying to teach me to play on. He has drawn some strings onto the paper-violin and every time he touches the strings we pretend that there is a sound emerging. Aras tells me that I am good at playing the violin and a fast learner.

I wake up

I wake up confused, because it was peculiar to see Aras as a kid. He was very cute in the dream and I smile by the thought of him making violin sounds and pretending to play on his paper-violin.

Tonight I dreamt again. I remember most of the dream, but somehow it is as if something is missing.

The setting is in our apartment where we are preparing the celebration of my cousin’s henna party. Of known faces I see Sinem (sister), Sibel (cousin), mom, my aunt Serife, aunt Gülizar, Nuray (cousin), Sidar (cousin from the village), Berivan (cousin), Pinar (cousin) and Rohat (brother).

Everyone looks very busy with finding their outfits for the night’s party and getting ready otherwise. Somehow Sinem and I get shoved a bit into the background of all these preparations. Appearently some of the people do not think that we are that important for this party and we keep getting pushed into the back.

I see my aunt G appearing in the doorway wearing a shiny, colourful Kurdish outfit – very unusual, as I have never (!) seen my aunt 1) wearing Kurdish clothes, 2) being so nationalistic as she is in the dream. A short while after Sibel enters the room as well. She is also wearing Kurdish clothes in sparkling purple colours. Around her head she has a headscarf; a muslim one that covers her entire face, except her eyes. I notice that she is not looking very happy.
Into the room enters my cousins Nuray and Sidar also wearing Kurdish clothes. MY Kurdish clothes. Apparently my mom has given them the permission to take my clothes and do whatever they want with them. In a fit of betrayal I think to myself that I am the only girl in the whole family who owns Kurdish clothes, care about the Kurdish culture and the only one who ever wears the damn clothes! I feel anger rising inside me, because nobody have asked for my permission to wear my clothes and it makes me feel anxious. What really hurts me is the fact that they have changed so much on the Kurdish dresses that there is no Kurdishness left. The dresses are totally changed. Nuray has pinned a lot of safety pins in so that the dress is much tighter than usual and she has cut the dress short, so it barely reaches her knees. She is wearing very long silver boots and a huge silver jewelry around her neck that covers the most of her chest. I am shocked and I furiously leave the livingroom.

I find my mom, who is standing in the hallway with a big smile on her face. She’s looking at me and saying “Come on Derya, just let them keep the clothes!”. I am very annoyed at her and thinking to myself “But… what am I going to wear then?! They’ve ruined all my clothes!” . That is when I remember the red and black dress my friend Chinar once gave me and I run frantically to my room to find it. As I enter my room I am met with a terrible, terrible sight. I see ALL my Kurdish clothes spread all over the floor cut up into pieces and I feel the anger rising inside me. The fact that I cannot find Chinar’s dress is driving me even more insane and I feel the tears running down my cheeks.
I hear that they have started to sing in the livingroom and I think to myself “they have started without me!” I try to get my mom’s attention, but she is too occupied with Nuray’s dress. I feel jealousy!

When I enter the livingroom the party is over.

I wake up.

When I wake up I am still mad and jealous and angry at my mom for prioritizing others over me. Short after I start laughing. It’s a silly silly dream, but what bothers me is the fact that Sibel is remarrying in my dream, but she seems very unhappy with the whole situation. I worry.


March 2018
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